Trust me, I did not choose Wednesday for this newsletter because of any references to hump day. I’ve never been one to say “happy hump day” as a way to note that the bulk of the work week will soon be behind us (though I’ve probably used TGIF once or twice). I chose Wednesday because it’s objectively the funniest day of the week. Tuesdays aren’t amusing. Thursdays don’t rate even a giggle. There were also the practical considerations: having to get a weekly newsletter ready to go on a Monday portends numerous working weekends, and none of you would read it on Fridays (because TGIF). Having chosen Wednesday, I’ve resisted leaning into the double entendre of hump day. Such sophomoric humor is simply beneath me (she says, well aware of how many dick jokes she’s made in this forum). But today it was too much, too easy, and had to be done because… gay whales. For the first time, humpback whales were photographed having sex. Two photographers off the coast of Maui saw the whales getting closer together and used an underwater camera to capture the moment. It was only when they sent the pictures to Stephanie Stack, a researcher with the Pacific Whale Foundation, that they realized we were not looking at whale procreation but at two males having sex. We know that homosexuality exists in the animal kingdom. A study published last year in Nature Communication noted that same-sex behaviors have been observed in over 1,500 animal species. It’s practically common in our primate ancestors who are indiscriminately boffing like bonobos. We may remember the gay penguins at the Central Park Zoo because the book about them kept getting banned from elementary schools. I also remember the Croatian bears in captivity who were seen have oral sex on multiple occasions. Scientist have struggled to figure out why animals who should be solely motivated by evolution would have sex that can’t possibly result in babies. They offer theories involving practicing for the real deal, mistaken identity, sexual frustration, and indiscriminate sexual behavior (man those river dolphins will f**k anything). While some have suggested stress relief and bonding, I haven’t seen the word pleasure appear in these articles very often. I’m not trying to anthropomorphize the walruses and bison of the world, but couldn’t “it feels nice” be enough of a motive, even for a lemur? Unfortunately, the details that emerged on the humpback hump session do not support a consensual or mutually pleasurable experience. In an article for Marine Mammal Science, Stack refers to the couples as Whale A and Whale B. Luckily, the Whales had been previously tracked and were part of the Happywhale registry (not a porn site). Whale B was older (30) and healthier while Whale A (17) had suffered a jaw injury, was emaciated, and was plagued by whale lice. Whale B wrapped his fins around Whale A and used his penis to penetrate the slit where whale penises hang out when not in use. Whale A’s penis was not visible. All of this would seem to suggest that only one of them was having fun (hint: not the one plagued by whale lice). Stack cautions about ascribing motives to the whale sex but agrees this may have been more about dominance than pleasure. So much for a happy hump day story. Turnabout is Fair Play: Kansas Lawmakers Suggest Men Seeking ED Treatment Tell Us WhyKansans want to keep the right to abortion. We know this because they were the first to vote on the issue after the Dobbs decision. In August 2022, voters in the Sunflower State rejected a proposed amendment to their constitution that would have said there was no right to an abortion in the state. The ballot initiative was a direct reaction to a 2019 decision by the Kansas Supreme Court that said abortion was protected in the state’s constitution as part of the right to bodily autonomy. The will of the voters hasn’t deterred the legislature from passing more anti-abortion laws. In October 2023, a state court shot down a number of absurd restrictions including one that mandated patients be told abortion increases the risk of breast cancer and premature births (it doesn’t) and another that required providers to tell patients five times that medication abortion can be reversed (they can’t). Similarly, the courts struck down a law that would require consent forms that had to be printed in specific typeface, font, size, and color and had to be completed 24 hours before an abortion. It also didn’t like a rule that would force patients to wait 30 minutes between meeting with a provider and actually having the procedure. The latest move in the Kansas legislature is a bill that would expand the questions asked of those seeking abortions in what can only be called a biased way. The Department of Health and Environment already publishes an annual report on who gets an abortion in the state which includes basic demographic data, where they live, patients’ marital status, how far along they were in their pregnancy, and whether they were victims of abuse. The new bill calls for that report to be issued twice a year and adds additional questions such as:
Other proposed questions included some that tried to elicit whether the pregnancy interfered with the patient’s career, whether the patient was mature enough to raise a child, and whether the abortion was sought to prevent people from knowing the female was sexually active. These questions were graciously removed from the draft in committee. Apparently, “are you having an abortion because you’re a slut” was just a little too much, even for some Kansas Republicans. The bill was introduced by Rep. Ron Bryce “on behalf of the Kansans for Life” (you can do that?). Bryce is a physician (though he’s licensed in Texas, not Kansas). He argued these questions are no more intrusive than ones other patients are asked about financial stress, personal safety, and guns in the home. Democrats disagreed. Rep. Lindsey Vaughn called it “invasive data with the ultimate purpose of eliminating abortion in Kansas.” She said these questions were “stigmatizing and potentially retraumatizing” to women seeking abortion health services. Other Democrats tried to turn the tables. Rep. Melissa Oropeza called the questions a gender-specific intrusion into the relationship between women and their doctors. She introduced an amendment to require men be asked why they were getting a vasectomy. Rep. Stephanie Sawyer Clayton offered a similar amendment which would require physicians and clinics to provide information on the sexual health of Kansas men seeking care for erectile dysfunction. Specifically, her amendment proposed mandatory questions that would determine why patients seek treatment and whether there was an erosion of self-confidence among people experiencing erectile dysfunction. She explained—likely with her tongue planted firmly in her cheek— “I do think erectile dysfunction is a scourge on the state of Kansas, I think it causes issues when it comes to our very important birth rate.” Nice play ladies. Unfortunately, the amendments were rejected by the committee and the full House passed the bill 81-39. The bill now goes to the Senate. Aspirin is Not a Contraceptive MethodEveryone—even Arizona Senate Majority Leader Sonny Borrelli— should know that aspirin is used for headaches and not to prevent ovulation, thicken cervical mucus, or slow the progression of sperm toward the egg like actual oral contraceptives. And yet, Borrelli recently referred to Bayer as the best birth control. In explaining why he would not support Governor Katie Hobbs’s efforts to pass legislation protecting the right to contraception, Sonny pulled out this old chestnut:
This joke has been around forever. Foster Freiss, a pastor who ran a PAC supporting Rick Santorum for president in 2012, commented at the time that an aspirin between the knees was cheaper than birth control. “Back in my day,” Freiss said, “the gals put it between their knees, and it wasn’t so costly.” My best friend’s mother was also given this advice circa 1969 by her doctor when she was pregnant for the third time. Foster, Sonny, and my best friend’s mom’s doctor all know that’s not how it f**king works, but like so many men they seem to think that the real problem is slutty women who wouldn’t need birth control if they’d just behave. Here’s the part I don’t get, though. Don’t these men want to get laid? Wouldn’t an aspirin between their dates’ or their wives’ knees ruin their Friday night fun? Blaming things on women may be part of Borelli’s MO. In 2001, he pleaded guilty to domestic violence when his stepson reported seeing him punch his then-wife three times in rapid succession and throw her to the ground. Borelli has since said he took the plea so that he could keep custody of his children but blames the incident on the ex-wife whom he claims was having a “stress induced meltdown.” Borelli swears that his party, which holds a slim two vote majority in both the Arizona House and Senate, has no interest in taking away access to birth control. I find this less than reassuring. In the meantime, those people who want birth control that works should avoid the aspirin aisles, but if brand loyalty is important, Bayer makes at least four kinds of birth control pills and offers three different IUDs. Sex on Wednesday is free today. But if you enjoyed this post, you can tell Sex on Wednesday that their writing is valuable by pledging a future subscription. You won't be charged unless they enable payments.
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It's Hump(back) Day
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